Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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