the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
