my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
