If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
