I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I sprained my soul last night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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