I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize