I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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