id be glad to
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
