i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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