Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
