i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
