too bad you live with your parents still
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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