I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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