This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize