on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Im part way to drunk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
