Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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