Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize