i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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