What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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