Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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