whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
