somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
