I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
