if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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