Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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