I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
