i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
