Where did you get a picture of my penis
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bring me that man meat
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
