I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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