OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
