i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
