Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
