I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
