he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
