in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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