Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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