I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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