This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize