i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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