I'm eating all of the evidence.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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