she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
