Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
