Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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