She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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