My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
