thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
