Who did Billy Mays play for?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
