Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
