This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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