A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
