Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
