I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
