I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
