Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
