This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My feet surprised me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
