My friends, they love my intelligence
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
