I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
