Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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