I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
time to smoke my breakfast
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
