there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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