if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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