If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
