do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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