im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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