it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize