Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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