I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
